


Drowning in Grief

by Scarletwolf



Series: The Grim's Grief [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, First War with Voldemort, Gen, Grief, James and Lily's death, Marlene McKinnon's death, Sad and angst all around, major death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-12
Updated: 2016-12-12
Packaged: 2018-09-08 05:17:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,434
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8831878
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Scarletwolf/pseuds/Scarletwolf
Summary: Sirius has had a lot of loss in life. This is during the worst moment in his life. 
James’ body was contorted, as if he fell crumpled on the spot. He probably had, a small part of Sirius’ brain supplied. One hand was bent above his head, fingers slightly curled inward. His other hand lay over his stomach, curled completely into a fist, knuckles bruised as if he had just punched someone. It took a minute to realize that James had probably socked Voldemort in the face before he was killed, and Sirius would have been proud if his body could feel anything other than shock and distraught. James’ glasses were cracked and askew on his face and his hazel eyes that were once full of life were dulled in death.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Trilogy of ANGST and SUFFERING because a friend got me in the feels for it. 
> 
> Title sucks ass. My ass.

Life had a cruel way to show just how fucked up it can be.

Three weeks ago, Sirius Black took the Night Bus to Marlene McKinnon at her home. He’d gone with a small spring in his step- so rare in these recent times- and a Quidditch Through the Ages tucked under one arm. The Night Bus had come to a screeching halt a block away. Sirius went to the windows along with the other passengers to see what had the bus stopping so suddenly, and felt dread when he saw the dark mark hanging ominously in the sky. A few of the passengers screamed, some yelling at Ernie the bus driver to turn around and bolt from the scene.

“W-Wait!” Sirius exclaimed, scrambling to the front of the bus. “Let me off!” He demanded and pounded on the door with his hand. There was a vague protest from Ernie but eventually he opened the door for Sirius, who, bolted as fast as he could toward the mark. He’d left the book on the bus, replacing it in his hand for his wand.

He made it to Marlene’s house in record time, but it only confirmed his worst nightmare. The mark was floating directly over Marlene’s home. Moving on pure instinct, Sirius ran to the house, bursting through the door. He knew already that the Death Eaters were gone. They never stayed long at the scene.

The front hallway was empty and Sirius ran from room to room, shouting Marlene’s name over and over again. It was upstairs in her bedroom where he found her. She looked like she wasn’t prepared, mouth open in a gasp of terror and her wand clutched loosely in one hand. Her body was half on the bed, as if she fell backwards onto the mattress from being pushed by some force. Her legs were bent over the edge of the mattress.

“Ma-…!” He couldn’t even find his voice. Staggering up to her prone form, Sirius collapsed to his knees next to the bed. With a shaky hand, he reached out and touched his palm to her cheek. She was ice cold, no sign of life in her. As the aurors began apparating into the home, tears streamed down Sirius’ face. He pulled Marlene’s body into his arms, refusing to let go even as the Aurors came up to question him about the events (he replied as best he could).

Three weeks had passed since and Sirius hadn’t yet let go of Marlene’s death.

Marlene was _dead_ and Sirius was still reeling from the loss. Remus and he had fought about trust, each believing the other was feeding information to Voldemort. It had ended in Remus leaving their shared flat with a slam of the front door. Sirius mourned for both of his friends, each gone from his life in a different way.

And then… And then Halloween rolled around. Word travelled like whispers to Sirius’ ears and those words had connected the puzzle in his mind with a resolute click. Peter was the traitor. It all made sense. A cold dread filled Sirius like a bucket of ice water as he realized what that meant. Peter was James and Lily’s secret keeper. Voldemort knew where the Potters were hiding.

Sirius had no time for mourning. He had no time for anything but to drop the bottle of fire whiskey, grab his wand, and run as fast as he could to his bike. He hopped on, revving the engine and taking off into the sky at top speed.

‘Hurry… please hurry… Please…!’ he begged- to who, he didn’t know- and hoped desperately that he would make it in time.

He didn’t.

When the bike slowed to a stop in front of the Potters’ residence, it was to find ruin and the dark mark hanging over the house. Instantly, Sirius felt sick to his stomach. With shaky hands and knees threatening to give way, he got off the bike. Time seemed to slow, as if trying to delay what Sirius would inevitably find in the house. He opened the door, already unlocked, and felt his heart stop when gray eyes landed on the still, lifeless form of his best friend.

James’ body was contorted, as if he fell crumpled on the spot. He probably had, a small part of Sirius’ brain supplied. One hand was bent above his head, fingers slightly curled inward. His other hand lay over his stomach, curled completely into a fist, knuckles bruised as if he had just punched someone. It took a minute to realize that James had probably socked Voldemort in the face before he was killed, and Sirius would have been proud if his body could feel anything other than shock and distraught. James’ glasses were cracked and askew on his face and his hazel eyes that were once full of life were dulled in death.

“Oh, God…” Sirius choked, dropping down next to James’ body. Just like he had done with Marlene’s body weeks before, Sirius touched a shaking hand to James’ cold cheek. “I’m sorry. So sorry….!” Poured from his lips as he sobbed over his best friend’s body.

A shrill cry from upstairs had him jolting back to reality. His head snapped up and eyes went wide in shock.

“Harry….” And with that, he shot off over James’ body, crashing into the walls as he ran up the steps to the second floor. Sirius followed the crying noises to Harry’s nursery, stopping and gasping as his eyes were drawn to Lily’s dead body. Then, he looked over to the only living occupant of the house.

Little baby Harry Potter sat in his crib, crying loudly. His chubby hands were trying to rub at his face and Sirius could see a scar- that years of living in a dark wizarding family taught the man that it was a _cursed_ scar- that looked fresh, a dribble of blood pooling at the tip of the lightning shape.

He gingerly stepped around Lily’s body and walked over to his Godson, picking him up and holding him tightly in his arms. Harry’s crying tapered off into soft sniffles as he recognized his Godfather’s hold.

“Shhhh, Harry. I’m here. Uncle Sirius is here.” Sirius cooed gently. He kissed the tiny tuft of hair on Harry’s head and rocked him back and forth. Harry blubbers something, popping drool bubbles against Sirius’ neck and he can’t do anything else but hold the boy who lost everything, closer.

There’s a loud crack outside. Someone had just apparated and Sirius stiffens. Is it an Order member? Or someone coming to kill Harry off. He tucked Harry to his chest and gripped his wand tightly in his other hand and crept to the window. The tension in his shoulders relieved somewhat when he saw that it was Hagrid’s hulking figure standing outside.

Quickly, Sirius made his way out to greet the half giant.

“Hagrid!”

“Sirius?” Hagrid blinked at the smaller man as he made his way over, Harry tight in his arms. “Wh’r ya doin’ here?” He asked. He looked down at Harry in Sirius’ arms. “Dumbledore tol’ me to go an’ collect lil’ Harry. I… are they…?” he glanced toward the house. Sirius’ grim nod seemed to be all the answer needed.

“I can’ believe it! James an’ Lily! Dead!” Hagrid blubbered as tears poured down his cheeks and into his beard. Sirius wanted to snap at the man to shut up. He was suddenly angry, all the grief from every death and loss he suffered coming back up in bursts of rage. He was seeing red, shaking as he tried to hold it all in.

Recalling what Hagrid had just said about coming to collect Harry for Dumbledore, Sirius formed an idea. He looked down at little Harry, tears stains still streaked down his chubby cheeks and bright green eyes staring up at him curiously, and Sirius made up his mind. He bent his head and kissed Harry’s forehead, right above the mark, and handed the baby off to Hagrid.

“You can use the bike.” He said to the half-giant, thrusting a thumb over his shoulder at the aforementioned bike. “Just… Just keep Harry safe, will you?” He begged. He was aware he might have looked a little crazy to Hagrid.

“’Course I will.” Hagrid grunted. “Where’re ya’ goin’?”

Sirius was already stalking to the gate, but he called over his shoulder, “I’m going to get revenge for Lily and James!”

And with that, he apparated from the scene, ready to kill Peter Pettigrew with his own two hands.


End file.
